| I'm writing here today. So I guess you know what it means by that.
I don't want to feel like an option to you. I don't want to be an option.
But that's how yours truly feels right now, at this very moment.
I am just a mere choice.
When I am of use, or when I am needed, that is when you'll give me much attention.
When you have plans and friends and other stuff, I'll be pushed aside to the tiniest corner.
You said you really want to spend more time with me.
And I believed you. I waited. And waited.
I think I'm a fool. A fool who's too in love with you.
I find myself being stupid and so emotional over things that happen between us.
Where's our quality time together?
Since the holidays started till now, I can count how many times we spent together with my one hand.
I don't want to be slotted into your schedule. I wish you would make time for me.
I don't consider wanting to spend time with someone I love as demanding, because it's not like I am always with you every single day. All I asked for is time, and understanding.
I have been very patient. I want to please you.
But I can't keep hurting myself along the way.
You mean alot to me. I mean alot to myself too.
Why do you come and go to your liking?
Why do you only want me when everything is happy,
But leave me when everything turns bad?
Am I that pathetic? Am I?
Till the extend where I make your life miserable?
I was so happy when you came back into my life.
But am not too sure now.
Don't play with me and my feelings. Please. Don't.
Yes, I'm fragile. Yes, I'm weak.
That does not mean you can overpower me.
Do you know, that you are selfish at times? Most of the time?
I try to accept your weaknesses and imperfection.
Why can't you try to accept mine?
I told you, that I don't want to look back after this.
That I hope I won't regret my decision.
While telling you, I cried my eyes and heart out.
It felt so painful. It hurt so much.
So pain I can still feel it now.
Cure me. Please.
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I'm so happy I got to see you. =)
Super duper happiness.
Words cannot truly express what I felt and am feeling right now. Not at all.
Oh how I've missed you since forever.
You've just added extra sunshine to my beautiful day.
I can say that ITLY.
Patience, and faith.
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| Everything's actually going pretty well. But all of a sudden, sadness consumes me.
I start to remember how I used to tell you every little thing about myself, and how you used to talk to me with that manja voice of yours.
I thought that I was halfway to forgetting you, letting go and moving on.
I guess I was wrong.
I miss you. I miss you so much.
What I am feeling is far beyond from what words can express.
I miss every single thing about you. The way you talk, the silly faces you make, the hugs and kisses you give me, your captivating brown eyes, your laughter, your serious talks, your funny acts.
Above them all, I just miss you.
Every night, I think if you're missing me too. Whether you love me still, or if you've left me behind.
I can tell others that I don't think of you and all, but I guess I am still in a small state of denial.
Because I don't want to give myself hope anymore. It hurts too much.
I don't want to love you anymore. I want to give up.
But, I can't.
You're none like others.
I hope you know, that you mean so much to me.
A part of me is letting you go, a part of me is still waiting.
I surrender every part of my life to the Lord. Especially this.
I will have patience, I will persevere.
Even if it kills me, at least I know that it is true.
I miss you.
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| It's hard. But I'm trying. I know I can do this.
I'm tearing apart inside.
Totally torn.
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| I guess I misunderstood everything about him.
I thought I knew who he was. I THOUGHT.
And now, I'm the one who's sufferring.
I'm just so damn stupid. And naive.
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